My First and Last Experience with a Metrosextican!

Hey bitches, Nautigirl here! While I do have some juicy new stories I thought I would share an oldie but goodie to begin my weekly guest posts.

Allow me to set the stage...

It has been a while since I’ve had good enough content to spill mostly because I go to work go home put on my night gown and eat Smith's hot dogs every night. But alas I decided it was time to get out of the house.

Election night Jess and I are bored and we head to the neighborhood bar to kill time. We both end up talking to the guys on each of our prospective sides, i.e., me to my right, and Jess to her left. My guy was Mike the metrosexual Mexican, i.e., Metrosexican. (Come to find out he was actually Puerto Rican, but Mexican works better for the story so deal) Jess had Eddie the Electrician. So Mike was no McDreamy but he'll do, we had some good conversation, but then I was reminded of Erica's incident in Toronto when she was talking to that guy who was sitting on a barstool and got up and was like 4 feet tall. Yes, Mike the Metrosexican was a midget. Not really a midget, but definitely a pint-sized little man. Why are bar stools so deceiving?!? So anyways he called last night and wants to hang out and I'm like what the hell, I'm sick of Smith's wieners, I'll go! Maybe he will be taller than I remember?

So I arrive at the bar, indeed he is not taller yet shorter than I remember, really he looks like a troll but I'm already here I might as well get a free drink out of this and then skedaddle. Within five minutes of our conversation he guesses the perfume I am wearing...correctly. The night continues, yes I stayed for more than one free drink. I forgot to mention it was karaoke night and Mike the Metrosexican troll says he sings for a band. So HE proceeds to go sing karaoke. #1 I am not singing karaoke and #2 I refuse to sit in the front. So he sings and actually has a good voice but there I am sitting at the bar hating life. He eventually comes back to our seats and the conversation continues but then he decides to sing AGAIN. The song being "Don’t Stop Believin” by Journey. These lyrics officially stuck in my head "just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, who took the midnight train going anywhere". HOWEVER, he proceeds to come over to the bar where I am sitting and sings TO ME. So picture this in your heads ladies and gentleman: a pint-sized Mexican man, singing karaoke to me, at a fairly empty bar on a Tuesday night. Just let that sink in. I was mortified.

So I try to make my exit and of course he said, "I had an amazing time…yadda yadda." Then he tells me to call him. NEWS FLASH: "I don't call boys." I said okay. But I highly doubt that will be happen. He eventually did call and I didn't have him in my phone, so I thought it was someone else so I responded. But I figured out it was him the next day and have ignored him ever since. Lucky me, I saw him at Pickles a few weeks ago and hid, yes I hid, but better than being stalked by a Metrosextican.

xoxo
Nautigirl

Slacker = Me

Ok, I know I’ve left you all hanging for 2 weeks! I am so sorry but apparently I have this thing called a J O B and my clients decided that now was a great time to plan events!

Okay so where were we, ah yes, "M". In the past few weeks not too much has changed regarding the boy statuses.

"M" and I are still friends, we text here and there and I saw him last Sunday at Mothers for the Ravens game. It's not the same as it was and he DEFINITELY has been working out, maybe I shouldn’t have consumed all those mojitos that night...

"W" is done and done. That's all. There is no real reason why, it just won’t work right now.

"C" the 23 year old made an appearance. I went out last Thursday night and met up with "C" and we hung out a little bit at MaGerks. We parted ways after a beer so he could find his friends. We texted a bit later that night and eventually met up at Mothers. I drove out that night so I gave him a ride home and then I tried to go home but there was no parking, so "C" invited me back to his place, where, if you believe it there was a spot right outside his house. So I spent the night with "C", nothing really went down because I was tired but he was cute the next morning. I just need to get over the fact he's three years younger than me...

"K" is adorable when he wants to be, which is so few and far between. I never ended up going on his boat that Saturday, the 12th because it was cloudy and cold out. We chatted a bit during the week and I saw him last Saturday night for my birthday party.

My amazing friends threw a birthday party for my sister and me last Saturday night. It was fantastic. My mission of getting a bit intoxicated and having birthday sex was accomplished...even though I technically don’t remember the sex part. I was told the next morning by "K". Yes, he came out and I went home with him. I was also told that "M" showed up but I don’t remember seeing him. I blame my memory loss on my roommate who ordered blonde-headed sluts and ordered me to take three in a row. I secretly love her.

Today is Wednesday and I have not heard from "K" so it may be time to cut my losses. I will not deal with someone texting me and telling me they were too busy to text/call but they want to hang out Saturday night. Yes, this is what "K" did last week and yes he has a full-time job and is getting his MBA but that excuse only works once. He has used his one time pass. Let's see if he texts this weekend. I will not be around this weekend to go out because I will be at a wedding in NY. Maybe I'll catch the bouquet...a girl can dream.

xoxo

PS. Stay tuned for a guest post from my friend, Nautigirl

You Win Some, You Lose Some

I know it's a little late to being to a week-end round up but deal; it’s been pretty busy around these parts!

Last Friday night I met up with "M" at a bar. I apparently had one too many mojitos because I don’t remember being at the bar with him, except for the part where he yelled at me and stormed away. That’s right, yelled like a 3 year-old and walked away. Now I was black-out drunk, with no friends but him at the bar and he has the balls to just leave me there. WTF? I don’t care how mad you are, you NEVER leave a girl by herself at a bar at 1:00am. So he proceeds to text me that night, "You fucked up I don’t play games". I text back the next morning, "I have no idea what your talking about-I was wasted" A few more texts back and forth and its settled were not a couple I can do what I want, (apparently I was trying to make him jealous-again too many mojitos)and we leave it as were "cool". As cute as "M" is I was in a relationship with someone who walked away once before and I'm not putting up with that again. Done and done.

Saturday night I met up with "K" from the baseball game. We went to the always ridiculous Mad River. I have never seen so many douche-bags in my life. "K" finally arrived and we talked, drank and kissed. I know in a bar, on our first social outing. What can I say? He looked good. So I decided to take "K" home with me. We fooled around and went to bed. The next afternoon when we finally got up we were going to go out on his boat but he ended up having to help his friends out so that did not happen. "K" seems to be a good guy, it was a bit of an awkward hook-up the next morning, but overall a nice piece of machinery, maybe all he needs is a bit of WD-40? I should be seeing him tomorrow to go on the boat if the weather is nice. I just realized that I've never done it in a power boat before...

xoxo

Are People Constantly Trying to Set You Up?

I know my friends, co-workers and clients mean well, but I think I can find a date myself. Apparently being 25 and single is not okay. I don't need someone else telling me they have the "perfect guy" for me. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, "but you’re on match.com". Yes, yes I am, but that is me looking for myself, not someone else.

Twice last week, I had two different clients ask me if I was available. Of course I told them the truth. Well one client apparently has lots of cute guy friends and according to her, "we must hang out". Now I love my client, but she is a bit older than me and frankly I can’t imagine her having cute guy friends.

My other client was asking on behalf of a few male tenants from a company that is across the hallway from her company. Apparently they saw me in there and wanted to know who I was. So I said to my client sarcastically, "Well, I do all of the events in the park, if they want to know who I am, plan a party."(or man-up and ask me my name) We both laughed. Supposedly they are cute; well I don’t bite, so why don’t you just call me?

I need someone who isn’t afraid to take a chance. So I ask my single girlfriends this question: Do guys no longer have any balls?

xoxo

Online Dating

So I decided in order to get fun stories for my blog I would sign up for match.com. I was a member about 9 months ago for 1 month right after me and my ex of 4 years broke up. I needed a pick me up and that was it. It honestly boots your self-esteem 110%. Every day and night I was on a high from all of the winks, messages and interested single men. If anything I would at least get some good stories.

Now yes, I have good stories from a few months back. A guy who had his friend drop him off at the restaurant because he has a breathalyzer in his car (he proceeded to down margaritas at dinner), one guy who I met at a bar and he was clearly NOT 5'10; he was maybe pushing 5'8 and then "S" who I met out at a bar as well and I proceeded to get yelled out by a girl who he used to hook-up with. She was NUTS. Now one would think I would be deterred by these horrifying experiences with match.com, but I'm taking one for the team and doing this for you.

So far only one member has caught my eye. Tall, dark and handsome. Mr. Personal Trainer is tall, cute, good body, owns a house and his own personal training studio. He seems normal, funny and sweet. Maybe match.com is on to something...

xoxo

Baseball + Men = Getting Lucky

This past Tuesday night I went to the O's v. Yankees game with two of my girlfriends. Sporting events are definitely the place to go to meet a guy. There were hoards of them at Pickles Pub before the game. We caught the eye of a trio of boys from NY. We chatted for a bit before the game started and were going to meet up with them when we got inside but one of our guy friends was also in attendance and had three extra seats by him which were in Section 34, hello Derek Jeter is that you? So we sat with him the whole time since his seats were in a better section than ours.

I texted the NY boys for a bit, but then I noticed a cute blond boy sitting a few rows in front of us. I am sucker for light hair and light eyes. We will call him "K". I had to think of a reason to talk to him, so I decided that my friend had hooked-up with him before and she wasn’t sure if it was him or not. Now remember I have no shame and if I didn’t have the guts to go up to him, who knows if I ever would have see him again? Fate, you say, well sometimes you have to take fate into your own hands.

I walked down and sat on the stoop, since he was in the last seat and asked if his name was Matt. It was not. I explained what was going on and we started chatting back and forth. The usual, his name, my name, where he lives etc. After about 10 minutes I got up and went back to my seat. I continued to cheer for my beloved Yankees and his friends kept on turning around to look at me and my friends, as did "K".

I decided to go back down again and this time I had a seat so we chatted some more and I came clean that my friend never hooked-up with him. He said he figured since no one turned "red" when he looked at my friends. We both laughed it off. It turns out he has a boat in Annapolis. I always wanted to date a guy with a boat, too bad I meet him at the end of summer! So he asks for my number, we exchange some more witty banter. I tell him to wait 3 days to call me. I don’t want him to appear too eager. He laughed, I laughed. Then I decided to head back up to my friends. I left the game without saying good-bye.

I woke up Wednesday morning, with a text from him and I quote, "Thanks for hitting on me tonight, you are very interesting (in a good way) :)"

Now, I took that as a compliment. He couldn’t even wait 24 hrs to text me and I would rather be interesting than boring. So we texted again Wednesday night. He facebook friended me, commented on my status and sent me a private message telling me my nickname should be "shameless". I agree, it should.

Fast forward Thursday night, he texted me, "We should meet up Saturday night and if you want you can come on the boat on Sunday". Well, I would love too, thanks for asking.

So that's my plan for Saturday night and Sunday if all goes well Saturday night. Don’t worry my fellow followers, "I put the ass in class".

xoxo

Blast From the Past

As you all now know I was at a wedding Saturday night. I went to bed pretty early that night since we started at 3pm. The next morning I woke up with a text from my ex-boyfriend, who I have not spoken to since we broke up a month ago. He lives in Virginia and I Maryland, which is one of the reasons it didn’t work out. So anyways I roll over and look at my blackberry and 1 new text and 2 missed calls. Hmmm...

"J" from VA decides to text me at 1am, "In Bmore :)”. What exactly does that mean? We haven’t spoken in a month and you think its okay to text me that with a smiley face, there is nothing happy about that text. So then I see that I have a missed call from him too as well and a voicemail. Note to all guys out there: Don't leave drunk messages...EVER

He apparently was "lost" and couldn’t find his cousin and needed advice on where to go because he had no place to stay. Now I might be a blonde but I'm not that dumb. Thankfully I was at a wedding and passed out so I didn't get these messages the previous night.

I have one word for "J": Jackass. We spoke a bit via gchat this morning, but nothing really about his drunken messages. Maybe someone's embarrassed? I'm all up for meeting for a drink, it was an amicable split, but your never getting in my pants again buddy.

Oh and the other missed call was from "M", the bartender, apparently he wanted to "kidnap" me. I am on the fence with this boy, decisions decisions...

xoxo

Single and Wedding Season

Happy Monday! So this weekend was a blast! I have many updates for all you eager blog followers. I attended the wedding of my friend and co-worker this past weekend in Annapolis. It was beautiful! I originally had planned to go with a date; my boyfriend at the time was going to come with me. I guess I should have mentioned that we broke up about a month ago. So my co-worker and I decided to go as single ladies. Yes, ma'am we did and we had the best time!

Our friend who got married told us there would be single men there ready to mingle so we pulled out all the stops, including blow-outs for our hair. Well she forgot to mention that we would be the ONLY single ladies there! So we had our choice of meat from six different options available. One of these men thought a clever way of hitting on us was to ask me, to get him a table to sit at for dinner. Now Mr. Ralph Lauren blazer had no idea who he was messing with. (PS: Didn't something like this happen in a SATC episode?) I have to admit he had some balls to pull that off so I of course responded with a witty comeback and we had a good banter going back and forth. His friend was cute too so we had fun chatting and dancing with them at the yacht club but my sights were already set on a tall blonde.

This tall drink of water walked late into the mass at St. Mary’s with his friends. Apparently my co-worker knew that I would be smitten with him and boy she was right! So I finally got her to introduce us and he lives in Federal Hill too, how funny I said? Wink Wink

After the reception we all headed to Pusser's on the water, where I lost my friend who I came with and later found her sucking face with a guy she just met 5 minutes earlier. Go girl! I wandered off to find my crush and sadly he was heading back downtown with his friends, I was invited but was staying in a hotel so I couldn’t go, but he didn’t leave without us engaging in the always out of control bar make-out. Don’t you bitches worry I kept it classy. Hopefully I will be seeing him again...

After this I decided I needed to call it a night. So off I went with my cab driver Abdul to get some late night pizza and crash. All in all it was a good night!

xoxo

Can you really meet a potential mate at a bar?

Every Wednesday night in Federal Hill we head to Charm City Trivia at Mad River. I usually go with one of my friends and we meet up with the guy she is "dating" and his friends. We sit at their table and they buy us beers all night long and we also learn new things, I mean this is trivia after all!

Well her guy has a friend who I'll call "C". He is only 23, but he looks like Shia Labeouf- with scruff. Cute right? But he's 23 and a bit short. I am flirt, I can't help it, it just happens when there are cute boys around.

So last night he was there again and we decided to be partners in beer pong. I carried us for the first couple rounds and then we both were shooting way off so we lost. We proceeded to hang out on the red pleather and velour couches-I know sexy right? So it’s just me and him and we are flirting, hand on knee, cute shove here and there. One thing leads to another and we are talking about going on a double date with our friends. Now, the reason I agreed to this is well he's cute and I said I would "sacrifice" myself so that our friends could go out on a "real date", not just the "come over and watch a movie and hook-up date."

I also was a bit tipsy from not eating dinner and then doing a workout before going to trivia, but no excuses. So now if he remembers I am going to the zoo with him and our friends on an upcoming Sunday. Now here's my problem he's 23. I will be 26 in a month. I've never dated a younger guy before. Is throwing one more boy into the mix going to make this more complicated?

xoxo
K

What is a girl to do?

So this past Saturday we decided to go to a new bar in Federal Hill that recently opened up. We got there and settled in with some vodka sodas and perused the scene to see if there were any potential men up to our standards. And by standards I mean, tall, cute and physically fit. Okay, I know if I really want to settle down I should check my standards and try and find a nice guy, even if he is short and maybe isn't all that built. But why should we settle?

So after a few minutes I noticed an extremely cute, but short, bartender who I'll call "M". If there is one thing I don’t have its shame. So I sashayed my way to the bar and asked him for a drink and then proceeded to tell him that he's adorable and we should hang out sometime. Apparently it works and he got my number and I got his! So an hour later, I meet another guy who ill call "P". He was cute too so I spent some time with him and his friends, 3 shots and 2 coors lights later my friends and I decided to call it a night, after of course he got my number. Okay, so time to close my tab? Well, guess what? "M" has lost my card. So I try not to get too angry and he says he'll text me later when he finds it.

Fast forward Sunday morning, I wake up with a text from "M" telling me he found my card! Yay! So I text him back and he responds with a less than warm text back, so I say well Ill call there later to get my card, because I don’t want to put him out. Well, apparently I wasn’t putting him out because he invited me to breakfast, like right then that morning. So off I go to breakfast and then out to my friend’s house on the river. Well "M" was apparently so enamored that he texted me Sunday night and came out on Monday night for the Raven's game and on Tuesday called me and invited me to a concert this Friday. How about that! I'll keep you guys updated with "M". Apparently I'm his good luck charm...more on that later.

I also woke up with a text from "W" on Sunday morning asking me to come over the next am. "W" is a guy that I have been "dating"-if you want to use that term, for about a month. The problem with "W" is I am not sure what exactly he wants. It started as just sex, but now I think he wants more and well I don’t know what I want.

"W" and I have been trying to get together for about 10 days with no such luck, so you guessed it I did not see "W" on Sunday. I am about to give up on him when he texts me that he wants to cook me dinner and drink wine and watch a movie on Tuesday night, so I say yes. This is where it gets complicated. I thought we were just having sex?

Monday rolls around and I decide not to text "W", since he said he would text me to figure out dinner. Well, guess who I didn't hear from Monday? If you said, "W" you’re right!

Monday night we decide to go to the bar and meet "M" to watch the Ravens game, well guess who strolls in (thankfully we were trying to leave)? "P" walks in with his crew from Saturday night. Now thankfully I was able to get the girls to leave and go to another bar with me and "M" so crisis diverted, but I haven’t heard from "P" since Saturday night so who really knows. All in all great night and next morning with "M".

So now it's Tuesday and I figure that "W" is going to not text and dinner will be off. 3pm rolls around and my phone goes off I'm thinking its "M" since we texted earlier in the day, but no it's "W". Just so you all understand "W" he’s a stubborn, Irish Italian and sarcastic, but totally makes my heart flutter man. This is word for word what he said, "So pretty excited to hang out huh? All your texts are outta control!" I responded with "I have no idea what that means" He said, "I haven’t heard from you it was sarcastic" "Do you still want to hang?" So here's where I say to myself...wtf? I don’t text you for one day and you send me that? Is that a backwards way of saying "I really want to see you, but I am going to make a joke out of it?" So after a few more texts we plan on 7:30.

"W" ends up not coming over till 9ish because he got stuck at work. So we just watch a movie and go to bed. Now mind you I haven’t seen "W" for almost 2 weeks, so I'm thinking I'm going to get some tonight, but no no no. Apparently we don't have to sleep together every time we hang out; he just likes hanging out with me. What happen to just sex? "W" is super cute all night, snuggling and all. The next day we say our goodbyes. We text a bit during the day, but I don’t really speak to him all that much. I proceed to go to a work happy hour and when I get home I notice that my bed is made. Now I didn’t make my bed before we left my house this morning, because "W" was still in it, while I was downstairs making my breakfast. So I text "W" and ask him if he made my bed and he did. How sweet is that? Yes, so now I don’t know what to do with him.

So that pretty much sums up what has been going on recently in my love life. What do you guys think? Keep them both around for now and see what happens?

xoxo
K

Here goes nothing...

So I guess I should start off with a little something about myself. I am a single young professional living and working in Baltimore, MD. I am starting this blog because according to my friends, my trials and tribulations about dating should be shared with the rest of the world. I'm glad they find my singleness entertaining! I hope that you at least get a good laugh out of this and maybe help me weed my way through the good, the bad and the ugly.

xoxo
K